Many of us grew up with the notion that marriage is a sacred union of two souls. That it is a special journey made even more beautiful and fulfilling with the right partner. However, the divorce rate is at an alarming high of 50% and that is a growing concern for millenials looking for a happily ever after.
An even more greater concern as a woman of color is the higher percentage of black women not married or in relationships. I found that the higher my education level, the harder it was to meet an equally educated black man that met some of my expectations if not all. This same storyline rang true for most of my female cousins and friends. I recall my older cousin once advising me to look outside my race and that it was more important to be with someone that loved me and shared my belief system than simply the color of our skin.
I’m glad i listened.
Here are 10 HARD questions to ask yourself and your future spouse-to-be (whatever race they may be) before walking down the aisle.
1. Are we compatible? What are your expectations of marriage?
2. Will our marriage be affected by our religious beliefs?
3. What are your views on finances? How will expenses be split up? What are your expectations on the family income? Are your views traditional or modern?
4. Kids or no kids? What are your views on parenting?Who will be the primary caregiver if there are kids or is it a split responsibility?
5. How will you handle In-law and family issues?
7. How will conflict be handled? Will you be willing to receive outside help during a marriage crisis? Therapy? Counselling?
8. How willing are you to relocate if your partner where to get a job in another country?
9. What are your views on divorce vs “till death do us part”?
10. On a scale of 1-10, how involved would you like your family or in-laws in your new family dynamic?
As tough as these questions may seem, asking them will create a greater sense of unity and marriage goals. You will feel more satisfied knowing that you and your spouse-to-be agree on the essentials necessary in making any marriage lasting.
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